WARNING: This might sound like a dear diary post..kind of.

Hello blogspot! It's the first of March where I am now and I decided to come alive for once. Yay?

It's spring break right now which means I'll have the whole week off. Good enough.

So you would probably wonder, what's up with the image I've put up there?

Can I just say...

I can't wait for these books to arrive? Yes, it's not as exciting as it seems, but these are exciting to me!

Yes I order books online because Qatar has limited choice of decent literature and fictions.

And yes I still read physical books. I can't stand reading anything electronically (hence, I never really like kindle). 

Introverted and content?

Hello blogspot. Again, it has been a while since I posted anything at all (I didn't count my last post as a legit post because it was filled with mindless pms-ey female rambling. Forgive me.)

Anyway, recently I bought the book above, "The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." The book basically discuss how in this society, we idealise people who are bold and loudspoken and people who tend to be soft-spoken tend to have a more "negative" perception from society. Susan Cain then explained that "soft-spoken" people can be powerful as well and that many successful people out there are introverts.

Anybody who have met me in real life would  know that I have a very quiet and kept personality. I participate only when it's absolutely necessary in most cases and I talk only when I really have things to say. Some people (mostly my friends of course) would tease me on being anti-social or shy. There are moments when I believe the first one is true. As for the latter, I know I was truly shy as a kid but I also know that right now, I grew out of that shyness. Of course, there are still moments that will still get me and events that gets me tingling from giddiness and embarrassment, but overall, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin.

Back to the topic of anti-social, I do sometimes think that I must dislike people at some point. But I know that it isn't the case because I do look for company often and I know I need people in my life. However, I tend to hate large group gatherings and I prefer one or two on one outings with the same three to five people in my life. I HATE small talks, I cannot emphasize that enough. Stating the obvious over and over again is tedious yet that's the mechanism that we, as social beings, should use in order to break the ice and know one another. From the surface first then the core. I've known the term "introversion" for a while now. Before I knew that though, I always thought this quiet and "anti-social" tendency of mine is a stage of growing up and eventually I will be a "normal" and "social" person. However, I'm 19 turning 20 now. I handle social situations better than I used to but there are still many things that I don't understand and that I can't ever get from many of my outspoken friends (and for an introvert, I strangely have a lot of extroverted friends.)

For example, I can't understand my friends who can say whatever that is unnecessary and pointless at the most random times just to fill 5 seconds of silence. I personally would let silence linger for a bit rather than saying something that is complete nonsense. I can't understand the ease in which some of my friends share their personal stories to a large group of people or to people who they just met. My personal life is a big thing for me and I prefer to keep much of it out of the limelight. I can't understand my friends who can keep shallow conversations going for a long time. Once you say what you gotta say, what else can you say, seriously. I can't understand my friends who feel so helpless when they're alone in a crowd. I feel pretty comfortable being alone. In fact, sometimes I feel like I look more in my element when I am alone rather than in a big group of people whom I don't know really well.

Those are just some of the extroverted things that bugs my introverted mentality. The list goes on, but for the sake of length, I'll keep it to myself.

Anyway, I thought I was weird and abnormal before I found out that introversion is a type of personality that humankinds have and that I'm not alone with this type of mentality. Ever since then, I love reading accounts of introverted people because I never knew that I can be so identical with many people and that it is not a "disorder" of any kind- it's normal in a different way. Yes, being with people drains me and alone time is necessary like air and food, but I do love being around people. Just, not for a very long period of time.

The book above comforted me in a way that it gives me hope in my future. I always have this assumption that because of my personality, I automatically hinder myself from the highest success I can possibly achieve. However, after reading a bit of that book, I realize that if I just handle things the way my personality is and give it my best without trying to "conform" to extraversion ways, I won't limit myself from reaching the stars. I can be a successful introvert.

I'm actually quite thankful for my personality in a way. Because I'm an introvert, I never see the need to feel "it" or be in the "big crowd". I'm pretty happy being myself and watching from the sideline as people try to conform to trends overtime and change themselves for the social norms. I never see the need to drink or smoke for social reasons.

Of course there are the downs with this personality - people often think you're stuck up, quiet or shy. One of the things that I find difficult, and I think this is just for me and my personality, is that it's difficult for me to deal with extreme personal relationship change with people. I personally find it hard to let go or lose a close friendship I had once with a person because for me, finding people I can truly trust and be open with is hardcore difficult. It's really sad because it's a hard work for me to be able to open up to someone completely and not being able to do that anymore with that particular person just saddens me. But life happens. Severed friendship/relationship ties is probably one of the things that blew me the hardest in life.

But overall I am pretty content with being an introvert. My way of thinking is different than most people and I know people whom I can really trust. For my fellow introverted peeps, you don't need to conform to extraversion to live. Just be yourself and the sooner you accept who you are, the better things will be. I did. I found that the moment I accept my introversion and just act the way my personality would want me to, I gain more friends than before. As long as you're nice to people in general, how outspoken you are wouldn't matter much. Unless you're looking for the spotlight, then, that's a different story.

Eid Mubarak!

To all my fellow Muslim readers out there, I hope you have a blessed and festive Eid filled with food, family and friends! Eid Mubarak!

 Here's a sneak peek on how I spent my Eid morning:

Indonesian chicken satay!

A typical Indonesian family gathering

Strawberry pie anyone?

The i-Pad nation

Musings: On The Subject of 'Home'

So last month, I stumbled onto a video that had really hit close to home (no pun intended!)

And because I'm sort of a noob on blogspot and the video was uploaded on Vimeo, I'm not sure whether you're able to embed Vimeo videos here. So for visual aid's sake, you can view the video here.

Basically, the creator of the video focused around 'third-culture kids.' What are third culture kids? Those are kids who have spent a significant portion of their lives away from their country of origin and at times, this can lead to a confusion to their sense of identity. Not biographically, but a confusion to which country they feel they resonate to most, which culture they feel more comfortable to, which language they speak more fluently and so on. These kids have a difficulty in answering where home is to them because home to them is not where they are born or their supposed nationality. Home is, and pardon the cheesiness, what their hearts resonate to most. This could be anything- culture, food, place and so on. If they live abroad but their patriotic sense is strong, then they would claim their home country 'home' for the rest of their lives. Anything can be considered as a reason to make something as 'home.'

Here's the thing: I'm a third culture kid. I was not surprised to find that I know exactly how the kids in the video felt.

Something I always remember during my younger years is this: I moved a lot. Even within Indonesia itself, I remember constantly commuting between two cities until my family decided to put up a third into the count. I've lived outside Indonesia ever since the beginning of third grade and I've lived in three different regions of the Middle East until now. Most significant thing about my move is that right now, I've had a total of 9 different schools that I've been enrolled to.

Of course, everything has its ups and down. I grew up in a constantly changing environment. Because I moved a lot, I adapt to things pretty easily because like it or not, I was always forced to do so. Right now, culture shock is not an issue for me anymore because I've been made more open-minded and more easy in accepting differences because of how I grew up. I've kept "don't judge a book by its cover" close to heart because I truly know what it means. When you move a lot and you're new to things, the best way to learn your surroundings is to be objective and then form your own opinions after you understand them well rather than narrowing your view when you barely scratched the surface of things.

The downside of moving so much? Being the new kid constantly. And overtime, you find yourself as "the foreigner" in the country you currently live in and your home country. In all honesty, I feel like a foreigner whenever I visit Indonesia. Although I have the passport, the birth certificate and the physical appearance of one, I feel as if I'm not truly Indonesian. After spending so much years abroad, I have difficulty in speaking the language and I have this sort of funny accent whenever I speak and I speak really stiff whenever I try to talk in Bahasa (which is why I sort of try and refrain from speaking in Bahasa as much as possible.) There is so much about the region that I don't know as well. All in all, I sympathize more with those tourists visiting Indonesia than Indonesians themselves. And this sort of sucks because I'm also a foreigner in the country I'm staying in currently and I find that because in one place, I'm obviously a foreigner while in the other, I feel like a foreigner from the inside that I don't have one place I can identify myself with.

It might sound sort of horrible but I like to consider myself as unattached to a country. Although I always introduce myself as Indonesian and claim that I'm one (and will always do in the future,) I will admit that I don't believe in it entirely. I do so mostly because I've been programmed to do that since forever and also for the fact that it makes sense to people. I can't introduce myself as an Arab despite the fact that I've lived in Middle East most of my life because as far as culture, language and appearance goes, I am far from being one. I can't introduce myself as some other nationality either because I have no other solid evidence to support that claim. Hence, I'm an Indonesian. But I'm not entirely. I am a collection of all the places I've lived in previously and that's what I've become. That's what I'm able to present to you right now.

So coming back to the title of the post because I feel that I've digressed majorly; if I was asked where my home is, what would have I replied with? Well, to me, home is not a specific place anymore. This year, I've travelled to Morocco, Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia without my parents or my family with me. And after some musings and thoughts from all the travelling I've done, I can conclude that I can quickly make a home out of any place. But there's something that will make a place feel like 'home' to me. That something is this:

People. People who are my family. People who I can have fun with. People who will support me and understand me whenever I'm going through tough times or whenever I'm in my weird moody state. People who I can have conversations with. People who I can offer my support to.

If any of these people are present, I can stand living in any place. As long as there are people who I can count on, I can make myself believe that the place I am in currently is my home because when you think about it, any region on this earth has its ups and downs, like many other things. To me, as long as there are people who I can convince myself to stay for, I can consider that place my home.

Of course, those pictures above are only of just some people who I consider significant in my life. There are many many more, many that have taught me valuable lessons about life and many who helped me learn about myself better. There are also many who I just like being there for as well as many who made my home much more of a home to me.

If you actually know me, you'll realize I'm not the most social person. I try to be nice to everyone but I'm only truly open about myself to only a handful of people in reality. I don't know why, but I guess I'd rather have a few people who I know I can establish a solid bond with for a long time rather than knowing so many but they only come and go. With that said, I don't hate meeting people. I like making acquaintances but I find that I'm selective whenever I have to be really open about myself. That's why, those people who have become quite significant to me, will always be significant no matter what.

So my answer to the question of where's my home: I don't have a specific home. Any place can be my home so long as I'm sharing it with people who can make these places a home for me. Because as the good ol' saying "home is where the heart is" and yes, I shall be sappy and end the post by saying home to me, is the place where the people I left a part of my heart with is.

Because introductions are necessary...

2011 and 2012 has been a very significant period of time in my whole 19 years of living. It's a period of time full of firsts and I've never felt so much change within myself as rapid and as many in such a short amount of time. From the end of 2011 to the present day, I've been endlessly brought outside my comfort zone and tried many things I've never considered before, some I'm not proud of but nevertheless, new.


I've created many blogs before this. I've succeeded into remaining loyal to some. However, most are left abandoned. 


However, this blog will be different. Whereas my previous blogs were meant to exhibit fun and my-then-teenaged emotions, I want to show you my life and my thoughts through this blog. I want to show you my mind, my travels, my opinions and not just mindless fun anymore because life is definitely not some kind of mindless fun if you want to take life seriously and make something out of yourself.


I'd like to also add that this blog is inspired by my mom and dad who wishes to know what's happening in my life more. I realize that I'm not the best verbal communicator, particularly to them and admittedly, ever since young, I never really knew the right moments to tell my story. 


Except in writing. 


So mom and dad, here's my mind, in writing. I hope I'll continue writing in this blog because I now have a purpose to why I blog.


And to those of you strangers who never really knew me, here's me...

Hi. My name is Ardinny Razania. As of right now I'm 19 years old. I'm a journalism student at Northwestern University in Qatar but frankly, I really don't know what I want to be in the future. I have a really bad understanding of English grammar so you will see (or you might have seen already in this post) some really awkward grammar, so excuse me. I'm Indonesian but I've moved so much in my life I really think my nationality is just my passport label. And that's the honest truth.


I chose the picture above because I thought it's a photo, but it's not an overly perfect picture of me. I have crooked teeth, I had a bruise on my right arm. That's me, in the living colour. Nothing forcefully posed or photoshopped. 


I don't intend for this blog to be any sort of journalism work. Sometimes a blog is just a blog, and this is my blog, my personal blog and I will put whatever I wish in any form and structure.


As I post more and more in the future, you will bound to see my likes, my dislikes and my hobby. So I won't put any sort of information from those categories in this post.


Thus ends my introduction and the start of my new (and hopefully a long-lasting one) blog.