Hello blogspot! It's the first of March where I am now and I decided to come alive for once. Yay?
It's spring break right now which means I'll have the whole week off. Good enough.
So you would probably wonder, what's up with the image I've put up there?
That image was taken last night and that was yours truly overlooking the general area of my left side. Or the lamp-post, whichever way you choose to interpret it. It's taken in Doha's corniche port area a.k.a one of my favorite spots in this tiny, slightly mundane city of Doha.
Oddly enough, last night was the third time I visited that place despite the fact that it's pretty much within my reach. And the fact that I claim it one of my 'favorite' spots.
And now I shall self-instropect. And vent. And have slightly, tiny girly thoughts. You've been warned.
Tonight I just realized how much I've grown in a span of just less than a year. Of course I'm still so much of a child and I have a long way to go for complete self-actualization. But how did I suddenly come up with this sudden epiphany?
All of these came when I was in the port just last night. Only the third time I've been there in my 719361273 years of staying in Doha (well, okay. 6 years and counting). I was introduced to that place about a year ago by someone. Well, to elaborate, said someone and I established a non-platonic kind of relationship for a bit afterwards and it was, suffice to say, my first 'proper' relationship cause I'm pretty much a wallflower most of my life. It didn't last long, but it was a good run. The reason why I haven't been to the port, despite finding it utterly beautiful, was the fact that it was, in my opinion, where everything started and that place held a pretty heavy memory and I'm just a little too sentimental inside. It took me more than half a year to be able to go there again, this time by my own (well, with a friend but you get the gist).
Of course, the moment I stepped foot in there, memories came flooding in, as one would expect. Except this time, it was not my normal girly fluffy feeling memories. It was legit memories of events in the past and the whole time my mind did an automatic flashback, all I could think about was how naive of a child I was a year ago.
A year ago, I just got my driving license and I didn't know more than half the directions and places in Doha (not to mention I'm extremely horrible with directions). A year ago I was 18. A year ago I was in my second semester of university. A year ago, I was still trying to adapt to so many things at once. A year ago, this someone was willing to drive me everywhere so I didn't get to learn any new places on my own. A year ago, this someone showed me quirky spots of places you see all the time. A year ago, I thought his opinions were golden. A year ago I thought I was smitten. A year ago I was dependent.
Now I have no one to lean on to. Now, I drive myself everywhere, and I prefer it that way rather than being driven by someone else. Now, I love driving. Now, I'm 19, turning 20. Now, I explore and found my own quirky places. Now, his opinions are not golden, rather they are human. Now, I wasn't sure whether I was smitten or whether I was that naive young girl admiring an older guy, at the start. Now, I pay for my own meals and went back and forth searching for part-time jobs so I would not trouble my parents for pocket money. Now, I'm able to come to the port by myself. Now, I'm independent.
All of those simultaneous thoughts made me realize that being overly sad over the end of my first relationship was really idiotic. It's unpleasant to cope with, definitely. However, I realize now that it's pretty necessary that we call it quits because I was just not ready. I was naive and needy and I don't know why he coped with me. Also, having no one to lean on to forced me to depend on myself which led to me bringing myself beyond my comfort zones all the time and expand my own world.
Don't get me wrong though, I didn't hate the relationship. It was, to me, very easy and fun and I loved it. But that's all that is back then because I didn't have much to offer from my side just yet. It was just a really bad timing. I didn't regret it. The thing I regret the most right now is probably how our dynamics have changed, because of obvious reasons, but also because of my own fault that I sort of reacted badly at some point while trying to sort out the phase that is 'breaking-up'. I was indeed an utter noob.
Despite that, I learned so much from this experience. Revisiting the memory lane was not as hard anymore.
I don't know what the moral of this blog post is. I had a pretty good message I wanted to say but since it's 2:12 a.m right now, my brain is pretty much at its limit. I might add a post tomorrow just to add to this post.
Work hard, play hard everyone!
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