conspiracy conspiracy

This afternoon was a slow day for me at the Writing Center, which was where I do my part-time job. Lately, I'm in that phase where if nothing entertains  me for that day, I would search up 'documentary' in YouTube and watch a random one which I find interesting. 

As I was perusing the list of documentaries YouTube offered me today, I came across one titled "Scariest UFO Documentary Ever!" which is the video I've linked above. Now, I'll be honest with y'all, so far in the past, I've always been a cynic towards alien hubub and extraterrestrial conspiracies. Thinking that, so far all the other documentaries I've watched are social issues related because that's what I find most interesting. However, I thought since the person who uploaded said documentary incorporated "scariest" and I love a good spook, I clicked on it, thinking it will just be 2 hours (Yes, the video was 2 hours) of crop circles and UFO sightings testimony thrown at me. 

Little did I know that I actually did get legit chills from watching that documentary.

Musings: Summer Epiphany

So I guess it's been a while since I've updated my blog (although I doubt anyone took notice and I'm probably talking to myself right now but to that one or two possible reader/s, hey there!)

I haven't been writing as much because I've been pre-occupied with a few things and right now I'm trying to come in terms with staying at a pretty empty Doha for a whole month. It's not so bad since it's Ramadan and during Ramadan, all I really want to do during the day is stay at home and vegetate 'til Iftar anyway.

(Also to those of you celebrating the Holy Month of Ramadan, Ramadan Kareem!)

Anyway, today's post was inspired by an article I happen to read on a friend's Facebook profile. It's titled "Frenzy for foreign title misses local talent" and was posted on Shanghai Daily. Basically, the article explains how there are several cases in China in which people with notable positions in their career field forged their higher education diplomas into a 'western' institution diploma in order to make themselves more 'qualified.' 

While I was reading that, I felt a slight pity to those people who are naturally brilliant who feels the need to camouflage themselves behind a 'western' name in order to be recognized. It's even more sad that in regions like China and similar Asian regions (speaking from personal experience), there is evidently a 'favoritism' towards those who has more of a foreign or western touch. I remember watching an Indonesian news segment a long time ago on the country's pilots and they revealed that foreign pilots working for a local airline are generally paid so much more than the local pilots, with the same position working for the same airline.

With that said, I'll admit, I used to have a foreign bias. This bias was sadly from my lack of knowledge for my own region. Patriotism was never a big thing for me on account that I spent more than half of my life growing up outside Indonesia. And when a lot of things I read on the news was about all the corruption that occurs in the region, it's pretty hard for me to grow some pride for the country and I came to a conclusion that if I earn a foreign education and work outside Indonesia, I'll have more opportunities coming my way. In some ways it's true because by getting an international qualification, my options are not limited to just Indonesia.

But here's something a conclusion I came to eventually: don't view an evidently 'better' opportunity as a chance to dismiss other options that you can take because the end results can be the same. Those 'other' options are just paths less traveled.

This summer, I get to visit Indonesia completely on my own. Going on my own meant having my own plans and no family events that I have to indulge myself in. So for the first time ever I really traveled around Jakarta and Bandung with people and really get the feel of living as an 'Indonesian' instead of a 'visitor.' For the first time, I took the commuter train and the busway. I get to feel how it is to be a citizen there all the time and how tiring it is to get from one place to one another because of the heavy traffic. I went to regions I haven't been to. I traveled. And despite the difficulty of getting to places, I loved every moment of it. Because it was more than sight-seeing for me. It was a chance to be able to get in touch with Indonesia and see for myself that there are so many things to love about the country behind the corruptions and whatnot. Patriotism: Revived.

This year I also visited a couple of the national universities and I came to a conclusion that the people who studies there are no less qualified and capable than those with international qualifications. By visiting these institutions, I saw for myself how loaded with talents the youth of Indonesia are. I never doubted that they are, but this year, their extent of talent amazes me. And just because they don't have an international qualification doesn't mean they are less competent than those with one. It comes to how the person handles his or herself. I, now,  also find myself thinking how pretty proud I would be of myself if I got accepted into one of the top national universities because it's a tough fight amongst the youth of Indonesia and if I got in then I know I got what it takes. I admire my friends who studied outside Indonesia and got accepted in one of the best universities of the region. (Congratulations guys, make the country proud!)

So from my summer experience, I have a new level of appreciation towards the locals of Indonesia and the culture of Indonesia. And some of the people are really capable of a lot without a 'foreign' education. I'm not saying one doesn't need to study anything from a foreign region, it really doesn't hurt to broaden one's horizon. But segregating and automatically labelling a person as 'better' because they've scratched the tip of another iceberg different from theirs is highly superficial. A person should be judged professionally from what they can do, what experiences they've collected in their lifetimes and their personal progress achievements rather than a name and a place. It's tough, but it's fair. Just because it's not 'western' doesn't mean it's not golden.

 

Musings: On The Subject of 'Home'

So last month, I stumbled onto a video that had really hit close to home (no pun intended!)

And because I'm sort of a noob on blogspot and the video was uploaded on Vimeo, I'm not sure whether you're able to embed Vimeo videos here. So for visual aid's sake, you can view the video here.

Basically, the creator of the video focused around 'third-culture kids.' What are third culture kids? Those are kids who have spent a significant portion of their lives away from their country of origin and at times, this can lead to a confusion to their sense of identity. Not biographically, but a confusion to which country they feel they resonate to most, which culture they feel more comfortable to, which language they speak more fluently and so on. These kids have a difficulty in answering where home is to them because home to them is not where they are born or their supposed nationality. Home is, and pardon the cheesiness, what their hearts resonate to most. This could be anything- culture, food, place and so on. If they live abroad but their patriotic sense is strong, then they would claim their home country 'home' for the rest of their lives. Anything can be considered as a reason to make something as 'home.'

Here's the thing: I'm a third culture kid. I was not surprised to find that I know exactly how the kids in the video felt.

Something I always remember during my younger years is this: I moved a lot. Even within Indonesia itself, I remember constantly commuting between two cities until my family decided to put up a third into the count. I've lived outside Indonesia ever since the beginning of third grade and I've lived in three different regions of the Middle East until now. Most significant thing about my move is that right now, I've had a total of 9 different schools that I've been enrolled to.

Of course, everything has its ups and down. I grew up in a constantly changing environment. Because I moved a lot, I adapt to things pretty easily because like it or not, I was always forced to do so. Right now, culture shock is not an issue for me anymore because I've been made more open-minded and more easy in accepting differences because of how I grew up. I've kept "don't judge a book by its cover" close to heart because I truly know what it means. When you move a lot and you're new to things, the best way to learn your surroundings is to be objective and then form your own opinions after you understand them well rather than narrowing your view when you barely scratched the surface of things.

The downside of moving so much? Being the new kid constantly. And overtime, you find yourself as "the foreigner" in the country you currently live in and your home country. In all honesty, I feel like a foreigner whenever I visit Indonesia. Although I have the passport, the birth certificate and the physical appearance of one, I feel as if I'm not truly Indonesian. After spending so much years abroad, I have difficulty in speaking the language and I have this sort of funny accent whenever I speak and I speak really stiff whenever I try to talk in Bahasa (which is why I sort of try and refrain from speaking in Bahasa as much as possible.) There is so much about the region that I don't know as well. All in all, I sympathize more with those tourists visiting Indonesia than Indonesians themselves. And this sort of sucks because I'm also a foreigner in the country I'm staying in currently and I find that because in one place, I'm obviously a foreigner while in the other, I feel like a foreigner from the inside that I don't have one place I can identify myself with.

It might sound sort of horrible but I like to consider myself as unattached to a country. Although I always introduce myself as Indonesian and claim that I'm one (and will always do in the future,) I will admit that I don't believe in it entirely. I do so mostly because I've been programmed to do that since forever and also for the fact that it makes sense to people. I can't introduce myself as an Arab despite the fact that I've lived in Middle East most of my life because as far as culture, language and appearance goes, I am far from being one. I can't introduce myself as some other nationality either because I have no other solid evidence to support that claim. Hence, I'm an Indonesian. But I'm not entirely. I am a collection of all the places I've lived in previously and that's what I've become. That's what I'm able to present to you right now.

So coming back to the title of the post because I feel that I've digressed majorly; if I was asked where my home is, what would have I replied with? Well, to me, home is not a specific place anymore. This year, I've travelled to Morocco, Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia without my parents or my family with me. And after some musings and thoughts from all the travelling I've done, I can conclude that I can quickly make a home out of any place. But there's something that will make a place feel like 'home' to me. That something is this:

People. People who are my family. People who I can have fun with. People who will support me and understand me whenever I'm going through tough times or whenever I'm in my weird moody state. People who I can have conversations with. People who I can offer my support to.

If any of these people are present, I can stand living in any place. As long as there are people who I can count on, I can make myself believe that the place I am in currently is my home because when you think about it, any region on this earth has its ups and downs, like many other things. To me, as long as there are people who I can convince myself to stay for, I can consider that place my home.

Of course, those pictures above are only of just some people who I consider significant in my life. There are many many more, many that have taught me valuable lessons about life and many who helped me learn about myself better. There are also many who I just like being there for as well as many who made my home much more of a home to me.

If you actually know me, you'll realize I'm not the most social person. I try to be nice to everyone but I'm only truly open about myself to only a handful of people in reality. I don't know why, but I guess I'd rather have a few people who I know I can establish a solid bond with for a long time rather than knowing so many but they only come and go. With that said, I don't hate meeting people. I like making acquaintances but I find that I'm selective whenever I have to be really open about myself. That's why, those people who have become quite significant to me, will always be significant no matter what.

So my answer to the question of where's my home: I don't have a specific home. Any place can be my home so long as I'm sharing it with people who can make these places a home for me. Because as the good ol' saying "home is where the heart is" and yes, I shall be sappy and end the post by saying home to me, is the place where the people I left a part of my heart with is.